Overview
“Positive parenting” is not just a phrase; it is a powerful, evidence-based approach to raising well-adjusted children within the broader spectrum of parenting styles.
By focusing on encouragement, empathy, and clear communication, parents can foster good behaviour and build a strong, healthy relationship with their toddler/s.
In this blog, we explore the key principles of positive parenting and the practical strategies you can adopt to encourage good behaviour in your toddler.
What Exactly is Positive Parenting?
Positive Parenting is a parenting style that focuses on guiding and nurturing children with empathy, respect, and encouragement. It contrasts with traditional methods by emphasizing emotional connection rather than punishment. This approach reinforces good behaviour, helping children develop self-discipline, responsibility, and positive self-esteem.
Key principles of positive parenting include:
- Empathy and Understanding: Acknowledging your child’s feelings and trying to see things from their perspective, which helps to build a trusting and supportive relationship.
- Clear Communication: Using simple, clear, calm, and consistent language when giving instructions or setting boundaries.
- Positive Reinforcement: Praising and rewarding good behaviour to reinforce positive actions. Watch out for things to praise and praise your child when you see the behaviour you would like to continue
- Consistency: Being consistent with rules and expectations to provide a sense of security and predictability.
- Role Modelling: Children learn by observing, hence modelling the behaviour you want to see in your child is crucial to reinforcing the above approaches.
Understanding Child Development
Understanding child development is crucial for positive parenting. By recognising the stages of emotional growth, parents can better support their toddlers in learning to manage their feelings and behaviours.
How Children Develop Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is a skill that children develop over time, influenced by their genetic makeup, brain development, and the environment they grow up in. From infancy to school age, children gradually learn to recognise, understand, and manage their emotions.
- Infants (0-6 months): Even at this early stage, babies begin to develop emotional regulation skills. For instance, they might calm down after being comforted by a caregiver following a distressing event.
- Toddlers (1-3 years): This is a critical period for emotional development. Toddlers often rely on their caregivers to help them navigate their feelings. Through trial and error, they start to learn how to manage their emotions, although they may still need a lot of support.
- Preschoolers (3-5 years): As children grow, they develop more advanced emotional regulation skills. Techniques like taking deep breaths or counting to ten can help them calm down when they are upset.
- School-age children (6-12 years): By this age, children refine their emotional regulation skills further. They learn to recognise and manage their emotions in more complex social situations, such as at school or with friends.
The Role of Parenting in Shaping Child Behaviour
Parents play a pivotal role in shaping their child’s behaviour, especially when it comes to emotional regulation. Here are some ways parents can influence their child’s development:
- Modelling Healthy Emotional Regulation: Children learn by observing their parents. By staying calm in stressful situations, parents can demonstrate effective emotional regulation.
- Providing a Supportive Environment: A nurturing environment where children feel safe to express their emotions is essential. This helps them learn to manage their feelings in a healthy way.
- Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills: Parents can teach their children specific techniques to manage their emotions, such as deep breathing or problem-solving.
- Setting Clear Boundaries: While empathy and understanding are crucial, it’s also important to set clear boundaries and consequences. This helps children understand the limits and learn self-discipline. There are two types, natural consequences- for example, a child is banging a toy, and it breaks. The second is enforced consequences, those we impose, for example, “If you keep throwing the ball at the TV I will take it.”
Remember: Be consistent and realistic with your consequences
Common Challenges in Toddler Development
Toddlers face several challenges as they develop emotional regulation skills, which can lead to tantrums and other behavioural issues. Understanding these challenges can help parents provide better support:
- Limited Language Skills: Toddlers often struggle to express their emotions and needs verbally, leading to frustration and tantrums.
- Impulsivity: Young children are naturally impulsive, which can make self-regulation difficult.
- Testing Boundaries: As toddlers assert their independence, they often test boundaries, which can result in challenging behaviours.
- Frustration: Encountering obstacles and challenges in their daily lives can be frustrating for toddlers, leading to emotional outbursts.
- Strong developmental drivers: wanting to explore their world -climbing/jumping in puddles/ running/yelling etc
Managing Your Own Emotions
Be aware that your toddler’s emotions can trigger a strong reaction from you. If your toddler is angry for example, it might also anger you. Helping your toddler learn to regulate their own emotions requires calm support from you in difficult times.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotion, it is OK to separate yourself from your toddler (provided they’re in a safe space) to give yourself time out to relax, regroup, and go help your child. This is also a great way to role model managing emotions.
Finding some ways to provide self-care is a great way to fill your cup - doing exercise, catching up with friends, reading a book, etc. Running on empty can sometimes mean when we are tired, we may be less patient.
Many great benefits arise from building up social connections. Joining playgroups can help build both your confidence and your toddler’s. These groups can also introduce alternative ways to manage emotions, which you may find valuable.
What are the Benefits of Positive Parenting?
Effective Positive Parenting offers numerous benefits, including:
- Improved Behaviour: Positive parenting helps improve a child's behaviour by making them understand what is expected of them and feel valued and understood. This approach emphasizes empathy and clear communication, helping children recognise and process their actions.
- Stronger Parent-Child Relationship: Building a foundation of trust and empathy fosters a closer bond between parent and child.
- Enhanced Self-Esteem: Children develop a positive self-image when they receive consistent encouragement and support.
- Better Emotional Regulation: By modelling and reinforcing appropriate behaviour, parents help children learn to manage their emotions effectively.
Positive Parenting vs. Gentle Parenting
Another approach to parenting that seems similar is “gentle parenting”. Gentle parenting techniques include empathy, respect, and positive discipline.
While both positive parenting and gentle parenting emphasise empathy and respect, positive parenting focuses more on clear communication, setting boundaries, and using positive reinforcement to guide behaviour. Gentle parents often face challenges in maintaining discipline and structure.
Gentle parenting, often avoids any form of punishment or discipline, emphasising a more permissive approach. Positive parenting strikes a balance by encouraging good behaviour through consistent, loving guidance while still maintaining clear expectations.
What Positive Parenting is NOT
A common misperception about positive parenting is that it is about being overly permissive or avoiding discipline. This is not true. It does not mean giving in to every demand or avoiding setting limits. However, problems with gentle parenting can include being too permissive, which may lead to poor behaviour in children.
Instead, it involves setting clear boundaries and expectations but doing so with empathy and respect. It’s about teaching children why certain behaviours are desirable and helping them develop self-discipline.
Does Positive Parenting Work with all Babies and Children?
Positive parenting is designed to be adaptable and effective across various personality types, temperaments, ages and stages.
Whether your child is naturally shy, outgoing, strong-willed, or easy-going, the core principles of empathy, clear communication, and consistent boundaries can be tailored to suit their unique needs and the child's age.
The key is to understand your child’s individual temperament and adjust your approach to encourage positive behaviour and emotional growth.
Creating a Supportive Environment
Creating a supportive environment is key to fostering positive behaviour and emotional regulation in toddlers. A strong, positive relationship with your child lays the foundation for their emotional well-being.
Building a Positive Relationship with Your Child
Building a positive relationship with your child involves several key elements:
- Warmth and Affection: Physical touch, such as hugs, and verbal praise can make your child feel loved and valued.
- Empathy and Understanding: Acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel upset or frustrated.
- Consistency and Predictability: Establishing routines and setting clear boundaries helps children feel secure and understand what is expected of them.
- Open Communication: Encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Actively listen to them and engage in meaningful conversations.
By fostering a positive relationship, you help your child develop healthy emotional regulation skills, leading to fewer tantrums and more positive overall behaviour. This supportive environment is a cornerstone of positive parenting, helping your child grow into a well-adjusted individual.
What are Positive Parenting Techniques I Can Use?
To encourage good behaviour in your toddler, you can consider consistent use of some of the following strategies:
Positive parenting emphasises clear communication and setting boundaries.
- Set Clear Expectations: Let your child know what is expected of them in different situations. Use positive language to explain rules and boundaries. Try using ‘I” words for instructions, for example, “I want you to pick up your toys please.” Avoid asking an instruction as a question, for example. “Can you pick up your toys please?”
- Avoid saying the word “Don’t”. Instead of don’t run, try a positive instruction, for example, “I want you to walk slowly.”
- Establish a Consistent Routine: A predictable daily routine helps toddlers understand what to expect and reduces behavioural issues related to unpredictability.
- Use Time-Outs Wisely: Time-outs can be effective if used sparingly and appropriately. They should be short and used to help the child calm down rather than as a punishment. Time out does not mean in their room away from you. It is time away from positive attention.
- Offer Limited Choices: Give your child limited choices (and following through with their choice) to help them feel empowered and in control. For example, let them choose between two outfits or snacks.
- Respond Calmly: Respond to challenging behaviour with calmness and patience. Yelling or reacting angrily can escalate the situation.
Will Positive Parenting Work During a Toddler’s Tantrum?
Even the most seasoned Positive Parenting practitioner will struggle with dealing with a temper tantrum; and that’s OK. It is not a magic trick or a quick fix; it is an approach rooted in embracing challenges that can lead to positive development outcomes for your toddler.
During a tantrum, it is important to stay calm and avoid reacting with anger or frustration. Let your toddler know you understand their feelings and offer comfort. Tantrums happen as a normal part of child development and can be opportunities for emotional education.
You may even consider distracting them with a different activity or toy as a “circuit breaker” to shift their focus away from the source of frustration. This will then create space to help your child learn how to solve problems and manage their emotions by talking through situations and suggesting solutions.
Positive Parenting is a Learned Skill
Positive Parenting is a powerful way to encourage good behaviour in toddlers and build a strong, healthy relationship. By using empathy, clear communication, and positive reinforcement, you can help your child develop into a well-adjusted individual.
For more tips and strategies, visit our toddler behaviour page, or download our tipsheets on behaviour.
